"The easy thing is turning a blind eye and letting someone else carry the burden. The hard thing - the COURAGEOUS thing - is showing up".
To be honest, retelling this story is absolutely exhausting. Since the sentencing in 2022, I have tried to find the energy to write it in a blog post but my brain has put up a block. Maybe in a year or two I'll be able to fully write it out but for now this is the best I can do.
I have an article in the Los Angeles Times and an interview on the Strictly Stalking podcast for those interested. However, those interviews were done before the trial and sentencing, so I was in a different place than I am now.
In April 2022, my attacker was found guilty of felony stalking and sentenced to six years in prison. It was a long two years to get to that point and it drastically impacted my life.
Despite the lack of support from those closest to me, lack of communication from the district attorney's office, lack of consideration for me as the victim, and a horrible experience with a fake victim advocacy program, I still showed up.
That's what it means to be an advocate - even if it was me advocating for myself. I showed up because it mattered.
There is a stigma around this and I am ashamed to admit that I still carry it despite knowing it's silly to do so. What happened to me wasn't my fault and I shouldn't feel shame for going as hard as I did to seek justice for myself. I should be proud of it... however, my fear is that sharing this will change someones perception of me. They either won't believe me or they will assume I am doing this to try and bring attention to myself.
Please believe me when I tell you there are many things I'd love attention for but being a stalking survivor is not one of them.
I do so much outside of sharing this story, advocating for awareness, and speaking up about it. I am a trail and ultra runner. I am an avid outdoorsy chick who loves going on road trips and spending time with her dog. I am a photographer in love with capturing the night sky. I am a creative and I love working on DIY wood and resin projects...
But this happened to me and it's not something I want to hide or deny.
Somewhere inside of me is a deep knowing that I have a gift. I can tell stories that many others relate to but cannot find the words to articulate themselves. For that reason, I feel it is my duty to share how I fought back against the violent man that was terrorizing my neighborhood.
It could save someones life. It could make another young woman living by herself feel a little less alone. It could arm someone with information, tools and advice to help them protect themselves.
I will leave you with my journal entry from the day after the sentencing.
Thank you for your kindness, support and patience as I give myself time to write a better blog post ❤️
Written April 22, 2022
Nearly two years, two denied plea deals, three days giving testimony in front of a jury, and one guilty verdict… we finally have a sentence.
Yesterday, I read my victim impact statement to the courtroom and advocated for sentencing David Fern Kroll to the max time (6 years) in prison.
And that is exactly what he got.
It was an outcome that usually never happens, but given decades of violent crimes and failure to follow through with rehabilitation, the intent to harm was obvious. There was no argument the defense could make that refuted hard facts.
And that became especially clear when the man stood up, began banging on the table, cried that the sentence was unfair, then screamed at me the very same death threats I detailed in my police report.
Now the judge, the district attorney, the victim advocate and the entire courtroom are witnesses to his criminal threats made against me.
(Ironic since the two misdemeanor counts of criminal threats he was originally being charged with were dropped).
I have to file another police report but at least I can move forward from the stalking saga now.
The process wasn’t easy. There are a lot of things wrong with the justice system in California, especially with how victims are handled. It disrupted my life in more ways than I can count but I did the right thing.
The right thing isn’t always the easiest. Sometimes it requires us to get uncomfortable and tap into our strength.
Many of my neighbors were key witnesses and victims of this loser, but only one neighbor showed up to give testimony.
One.
The easy thing was turning a blind eye and letting someone else carry the burden. The hard thing - the COURAGEOUS thing - was showing up.
I did that and I am proud. So very, very proud ❤️
What happened to me doesn’t define me. I am NOT my panic attacks or my anxiety. I was victimized but I am NOT a victim. I am a warrior. I am a leader. I am bravery, courage and strength. I am the woman who showed up to hold her stalker accountable. I am the woman who spoke up and demanded justice for herself and her neighborhood.
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